« Dear Robbie...

My girlfriend is ALWAYS attached to my hip...

by Robbie Owens

"Dear Robbie,

I have a new girlfriend that I really, REALLY like. But, she seems to be attached to my hip all of the time. Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoy spending my time with her, to the point where hanging out with her takes priority over anybody else in my life. I work a lot, and I understand that she wants to take advantage of every possible moment with me when I'm at home, but sometimes I'd like to have some alone time. While I'm at work, she gets to have her own time to spend with her family and friends, or to just do her own thing. How do I tell her to back off without hurting her feelings?

HELP!"

John in Brandon

"Dear John,

I feel your pain, bud. I really do. Us guys (or is it we guys? either way) need our alone time, whether it be hanging on the couch watching the game alone or meeting the boys out for a beer and some darts. And you have GOT to tell your lady that. Unfortunately, there is no subtle way to tell her. Because no matter how gentle you try to explain it to her, she won't understand. Women are wired like that, unfortunately. But if you DON'T have this talk with her, you're gonna end up being dragged to every baby shower, wedding and couples game night she can squeeze into your free time! And that, my friend...will SUCK more than anything that has every sucked in your life! But, don't be a jerk about it either.

Here's what I would do: make dinner at your place (or order in if you're lazy like me) and grab a movie from the RedBox or pick something she'll like from Netflix. Here's a few I recommend:

Sandwich this talk in between those two events. Dinner will be great because you two will be all chatty and all that crap girls like. Then, at the end of the meal, bring this topic up. Say that you're really looking forward to watching (insert sporting event here) on (insert night here). DO NOT LET HER MUSCLE HER WAY OVER with the whole "I can't wait to watch that with you!" Just say you've been dying to watch it and relax solo on the couch but you PROMISE to see her the next day. She'll be upset at first (again, women are wired weird like that). But if she's really worth all this time you're investing, she'll understand. Then, BAM! It's the two of you on the couch for whatever crappy movie she wants to watch and you're back on her good side! (Damn...I'm good!)

Good luck and God Speed,

Robbie Owens